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Bethany Welborn's avatar

For me, this is kinda everything. I have spent the majority of my life feeling bad about being a sinner, and apologizing every time I came into the Father’s presence, always cringing and hiding because of my glaring unworthiness. About five or six years ago, while meeting with a spiritual director for the first time, she asked me to pray and ask God what He wanted for me. I wasn’t accustomed to this kind of prayer at the time, but tried it anyway. First there was silence, then I heard, “holy confidence.” I immediately wept, because I knew I would never have chosen that phrase on my own.

Again, about three years ago, I was being led through EMDR and imaginative prayer by a mentor, and in the midst of a painful memory, I saw myself hunched over and crying in front of a mirror; then Jesus came behind me, and gently placed his hand in between my shoulder blades, pushing until I stood straight, shoulders back. Then He grinned, proud to see me that way.

I still struggle to receive and walk in this good news most days, especially when I see too many examples of what seems like the opposite end of the spectrum: Christians claiming God’s name while blinded by the damage their own pride, arrogance, and lack of accountability cause. I don’t want to be that. But I do want to live like a saint, like I’ve got God in me, because I am, and I do. 🙂

Bailee's avatar

I think of all the doubt and insecurities and overthinking that would just dissolve. I don't imagine a vine spends much time questioning itself or comparing itself or hustling, but is content to be part of the whole- scars and quirks embraced, dependence (co-dependence?) is celebrated. Fully present to that precious moment without the past or future distracting. Less striving, more being.

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